I am happy to be a mom. I love nothing more than raising my children but right now…at this particular moment, I am in the thick of it. The not-so-pleasant aspect of parenting, the co-parenting drama. The cliche of the deadbeat father. The ugly side of the coin.
The boiling resentment and sadness of betrayal. That kind of anger that makes you tremble until you inevitably do something. Anything. To let the fury out.
This man is still mad about the child support he is barely paying. I felt the need to say something because he is in such a fuckery styled bubble permeated by the puny ego specks of him and his small minded cohorts. An email, my only medium of communication to this person, may be my weapon of choice because he hates what I have to say but apparently it needs to be said. Or does it…
An email condemning him with the sharpest language and threats.
No, a sarcastic email about how awesome we know he will never be and never fkkn was.
Nah, a spiritual email pitying his karmic debt and the fact he keeps building it.
I decided instead to breathe as many deep breaths as I could and use sa healthy dose of forward thinking. It worked a little. Warm tears still burn my eyes but they’re merely a thought. No real sobbing is accomplished. I thought a good cry might help but I simply can’t muster up the tears.
Maybe I’m dehydrated.
Maybe I’m just the fk over it. Over him.
Ready to have that better story where he’s inevitably missing. The Phantom Asshole of the Degenerate Opera.
I have successfully removed myself from baby mama drama because I refuse to be a part of history where poor strategy is celebrated as the norm. The type of person I am, with a proclivitiy for reading, writing, studying, pontificating…dictates the type of parent I am. EVERYTHING about my children is a big deal. For me, parenting is the ultimate privilege and the most challenging as well…It’s also so incredibly rewarding yet is also an unparalleled joy. Nurturing is not a thing to be fought over. Especially since this person wants me to fight him, begging him to actually share my joy. He cannot sully the beauty of my family. I won’t allow it.
Love is NOT a battlefield. The fact that that is a commonly held notion pisses me entirely off. To call myself a baby mama inevitably puts emphasis on the structure of my family, the notion that there is something lacking in said structure and overshadows the brilliance of my children and my very whole, intricate relationship to them.
My sons’ father is an expert at social media. He is a champion at socializing and pretending to be the nice guy rather than actually being a honorable man or even a decent person. He puts more energy into timeline meandering, positively affirming people other than his children and being an overall dickhead. Most would say my children are better off without him. Like my father says so many times, what kind of a man would neglect his children day after day?
Here are the types of sentiments he shares concerning women and mothers.
He is an offensive person but I dare not take it personally because well, it’s not about me. It’s like when someone yells out “Ay Bitch!” I don’t look up because there is no way they could be talking to me. I know better than to be a shit magnet.
Had this been posted BEFORE I met him or during, things might have been different. I suppose I could say thank him for being just cunning enough to fool me. He was nice if nothing else. I was open to sweet saccharin syrupy simpleness. Eventually however, I ended up on the receiving end of mean passive aggression and I must say, that adds all kinds of insult to injury.
My standards make me a stellar parent. The energy I put into being a mother and thinking in terms of creating the humanity of the future is so beyond the drama that can come from a failed, disenchanting relationship. Truth be told, I am wise enough to know that in everything there are lessons and blessings. Of course I have these awesome young men to raise into the leaders of tomorrow. I get to see my daughter dote on her little brothers with so much love and dedication.
I am also an adept at energy transmutation.
So here is me telling a new story:
I am a proud mother and am focused on the growth and elevation of my family.
My partner and I are dedicated to being great parents. We grow in our ideas and stand firm in our resolve to contribute to the world by raising positive, healthy winnners.
My home is filled with joy filled, exuberant energy always. My children and I attract positive protective people into our space and we share compassion and generosity with people constantly.
Our minds are focused on good thoughts in order to attract good things. We automatically dismiss that which we do not desire. We only come into contact with benevolent frequencies that are concerned with the highest good of us all.
LOVE governs our life. We are literally blind to hate. The parallel universe that created, posted and liked these memes about parental neglect are beneath us completely.
AS A BEING THAT HAPPENS TO BE A WOMAN I COMMIT MYSELF TO AVERTING MY GAZE FROM ALL THINGS THAT DO NOT CELEBRATE ME, MY LIFE AND ALL LIFE IN GENERAL.
I turned that seething anger into a blog entry, if nothing else…that’s a start. Hopefully other women can see that they are not alone and can silently allow spirit to float them above the mayhem of low vibrational creatures. I would like to see this behaviour become less of a trend. My hope is to be the change I want to see in this world and one way of doing that is to stop labeling my family in terms of negativity.
Comment, like and share if this helps you to thrive as a single parent. Know that your role is so important and requires your focus to stay aligned with your children. Continue to live and rise in love.